In Defense of Science

There is an ideological misstep that most religious, religiously inclined or religiously 'open minded' people tend to make when presenting arguements for a divine creator that loves and cares for all his creatures. They misconstrue the terms "miracle" and "miraculous". In real life, miracles do not occur. But miraculous things do. Quite often, in fact. So often as to negate the merit of the term 'miraculous' and make it something that is nearly a commonplace occurance. And every time one of these miraculous things occurs, there's a dumbstruck scientist or physicist or engineer sitting in his lab somewhere thinking "Where's my thank you?".

I was really hoping that one of the Chilean miners would exit their collapsed man-made mineshaft and proclaim "Thank Science!". I was really hoping that they wouldn't rush to a church, but to a laboratory to fall on their knees and praise. I was hoping that they would look at the man-made, man tested machine that rescued them from a prison of their own doing, and say 'Man, when faced with adversity, must look to science and reason to overcome.' But, alas, while they're comfortable with their means of rescue being from the 21st Cenutry, their ideological compass is still set to the 19th.

I am in no way calling the Chilean miners unintelligent and I am in no way inferring that they are not forever grateful to the scientists and engineers that allowed them to see their families again. What I am saying is that the focus of the story, in the media of both America and Canada, can be summed up in two words.

Thank God.

33 men spent three months trapped miles beneath the surface of the earth, and were returned, safe and sound if not a little worse for wear, to their families and loved ones by other men and women who were faced with a problem and devised a solution through their own ingenuity and intelligence.

To hell with God. Thank Science. And reason.

-M

Batman And Robin (1997) - Screenwriter's Notes

or What Happens When I Start Watching "Batman And Robin", Drink A Bottle Of Wine, And Switch To Raging Bull Halfway Through.

----


Batman And Robin, 1997

Directed by Joel "Neon Penis" Schumacher


...and Oscar Nominee George Clooney as the Caped Crusader!

---
DIALOGUE NOTES:


ROBIN-"Shit, I didn't see that huge rocket ship."

BATMAN-"Now Freeze is going to get away. Good fucking job Robin."

ROBIN-"Well if you hadn't taken so long painting on your eye liner we might have gotten here on time."

BATMAN-"This is why I don't take you out to parties. I can't wait until you join the Teen Titans."

ROBIN-"I want to go live with Christian Bale."

---
INT. EVIL LABRATORY, NIGHT

A bolt of lightning splits the sky. UMA THURMAN as POISON IVY stands, surveying the wreckage of her career.

FADE OUT.

---
DIALOGUE NOTES:

ROBIN-"Batman, I'm coming with you."

BATMAN-"Sure, after you spend ten hours in the simulator, training."

ROBIN-"...I really wish you would stop using those euphemisms and tell me how you really feel."

BATMAN-"..."

---
PRODUCTION NOTES:

ME-"Joel, why does Mr.Freeze's suit run on diamonds?"

DIRECTOR-"Because Science, that's why."

---

INT. BEDROOM, NIGHT

GEORGE CLOONEY as BRUCE WAYNE sits in bed, watching a VHS copy of The Return Of The Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes, rubbing his hairline mournfully.

FADE OUT

---
DIALOGUE NOTES:

BATMAN-"Have you seen Alfred, Robin?"

ROBIN-"Yeah, I think I saw him upstairs earlier, doubled over and coughing."

BATMAN-"What? Was he Ok?"

ROBIN-"What am I, the butler? Ask him."

BATMAN-"...I wish you'd died at the circus with your stupid family."

----
DIALOGUE NOTES:

ROBIN-"Bruce?"

BATMAN-"Yeah, Dick."

ROBIN-"Do you have any idea how any of these Bat-Computers work?"

BATMAN-"I can barely figure out why I'm in this movie."

---

EXT. ARKHAM ASYLUM, NIGHT

LIGHTNING cracks the sky (of course) as ARNOLD SCHWARZENNEGER as MR FREEZE and JESSE VENTURA as JAIL GUARD stand in the CELL.

SCHWARZENNEGER- Can you believe we've both been elected Governor?


The both LAUGH MANIACALLY.

FADE OUT

---

INT. GARAGE, NIGHT

ALICIA SILVERSTONE as ALICIA SILVERSTONE IN THIS MOVIE stands in front of CHRIS O'DONNEL as DICK GRAYSON.

ALICIA- My careers over, isn't it?


CHRIS- Don't worry. I'm not much further behind.


ALICIA begins to silently weep. CHRIS follows suit.

FADE OUT

---

EXT. GOTHAM STREETS, NIGHT

DICK and ALICIA race motorcycles for some reason.

FADE OUT.

----

INT. WAYNE MANOR, NIGHT

ALICIA and CHRIS stand around, acting badly. GEORGE CLOONEY walks by.

GEORGE- Don't mind me. I'm just passing through on the way to the rest of my fantastic career.


CHRIS begins to weep again. ALICIA takes another drink.

FADE OUT


---

INSERT ENTIRE SCENE FROM "RAGING BULL". NO ONE WILL NOTICE.

---

END.

Fox News: Partisan Hackery or Freedom Hating Terrorists? YOU DECIDE.

Greetings again from the bowels of hell, it is I, your friendly neighbourhood whiner.

Now, ladies and gents, I Was here to deliver some good news. Great news, in fact. I was going to tell you all about a great comedy series I just discovered while surfing cable television this afternoon. A show that rivals the Colbert Report in subversive humour and The Daily Show in satirical genius. A show that perfectly sends up the kind of jingoistic nationalism that America is trying desperately to overcome.

Then someone told me that Fox News is ,in fact, real, and now I'm extremely depressed.

I know what you're thinking. I'm a little late to get on the Fox News bashing bandwagon. You weren't thinking that? You were thinking it's odd that I'm obsessing over a regional American news channel and website? You were thinking that I'm nitpicking, deciding to insult the easiest possible target because I'm really not that funny? You were thinking that by perpetuating the stereotype of the conservative Republican American I'm hurting our national relationship with the United States?

Fuck you, this is my blog. Go back to France, freedom hater.

I digress.

So, being of sound mental fortitude and possessing educated opinions (what Foxnews would refer to as an 'elitist', I believe), I have been browsing their website and watching their news for the last while, being alternately amused and horrified by their tendency to be...well...batshit crazy. Who runs this place, Leni Riefenstahl?

But they're not Partisan! No no no, they're just a regular old news agency with the utmost respect for journalistic integrity. You just THINK they have a thinly veiled allegiance to the far Right because of linguistic nuances in their headlines, newscasts and reporting. Political propaganda is what I'd call it, but that might result in being called a Nazi, much like offering them Free Healthcare results in...well...

But they've got their language down. Instead of putting what they think in their headlines, they pose a question to subtly encourage you to think what they think. They say "YOU DECIDE: Obama Healthcare Gamble Makes You Angry?" instead of saying "Obama Healthcare Gamble Makes You Angry." Ok, maybe not so subtle.


Here's one of my favorites.

They have a story on their website right now about Obama's 9th Circuit nominee, Goodwin Liu. Mr.Liu is a Rhodes Scholar, a Supreme Court clerk, an honours graduate of both Stanford University and Yale Law school. He's authored several books and seems, to me at least, to be a perfect candidate.

But Foxnews does not agree. Foxnews has become angry!(Yes, I have endowed Foxnews with cognitive powers, limited though they may be, and a singular name and vision. Foxnews can be equated with Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey, or the computer Kevin Spacey voiced in that movie no one saw about the guy from the Green Mile who wasn't Michael Clarke Duncan).


Yes, Foxnews is angry, but he doesn't just come outright and say it. Other people say it, and Foxnews heavily quotes it.

The problem with Mr.Liu? It's simple. He's too fuckin' smart.

Seriously. I'm not even skewing this data. Foxnews is reporting that Liu's critics are worried about some remarks he's made about the nature of Constitutional Law. Namely, the fact that the constitution is two hundred fucking years old and maybe up to interpretation by, say, a Judge that DOESN'T own slaves.

"Liu believes that judges have the authority to impose their views ... using clever verbal camouflage to disguise what they're doing."


Basically, the specific problem is that Liu has written, several times, that Judges be allowed to, well, use their judgment. Radical ideas, no?

Of course, Foxnews is reporting this as if it is just another news story, and they quote his supporters as well as his detractors. But the tilt of the article's subjectivity is pretty well exemplified by this choice exerpt from a book Liu co-authored in 2009 called "Keeping Faith With The Constitution:


"Applications of constitutional text and principles must be open to adaptation and change ... as the conditions and norms of our society become ever more distant from those of the Founding generation."

You mean what this nutbar is trying to say is that a document written in the 18th Century might not be entirely applicable to modern life?

Heaven forbid.


-M

PS: read the article Here

Things That Piss Me Off But Are Generally Of No Actual Importance, Volume 1

10.Twelve Heineken in Nova Scotia: 24.99. Twelve Heineken in Quebec: 16.99. And we make fun of the French.

9.Shows the premiered in 1985/86: Thundercats, Larry King Live, The Gummi Bears, The Golden Girls, McGyver, Jem, Perfect Strangers, Ghostbusters (the one with the Ape), Pee Wee's Playhouse, The Real Ghostbusters (the real one), LA Law, ALF, Zoobilee Zoo, Dennis The Menace, Matlock, and Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman, Kevin Nealon, Jon Lovitz and Dennis Miller join the cast of SNL.

Shows that premiered in 2008/2009: A Shot At Love 2 With Tila Tequila, Living Lohan, Big Brother 9, 90210 (again), Knight Rider (again), Paris Hilton's My New BFF, Late Night With JIMMY FALLON, Glee, How'd You Get So Rich?, Kourtney and Kloe Take Miami, Melrose Place (AGAIN), The Jay Leno Show, The Cleveland Show, The Wanda Sykes Show, JERSEY SHORE, The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty, and Power Rangers goes OFF the air.

We are losing to the 80's. That's pathetic.

8.Rogers wireless. If someone disagrees with me on this one, I swear to you I will fight you, be you god or man, woman or child, so strongly does hatred for Rogers Wireless run through my veins. I have their customer service center stored in my phone as "Hitler". I am SERIOUS.

7.People who argue Mac vs PC. Calm down. Both your products will break in 2 years and cost twice as much to replace. You're equally stupid.

6.Celebrity gossip magazines. Not because they're shallow and un-newsworthy (they are). Because they're 100% lies and people pay money for them. They're not 'rumors' or 'buzz'. When a quote in a magazine or newspaper says 'sources close to the couple' or 'inside sources say', it's journalistic jargon for 'I was too lazy to write something factual'.

5.People who watch Lost. At least when I watch Dog The Bounty Hunter or Gossip Girl or Dawson's Creek I admit I'm watching a piece of crap. And yes, Gossip Girl. GET OFF MY BACK.

4.Cab drivers who ask for directions. If I knew how to get there, I would take the bus. This does not apply to the cabbie who let me drink a beer while he yelled random things into my speaker phone at a competing taxi company who were slow to pick me up. You are awesome.

3."Following up" on job interviews with a phone call because it 'shows you're actually interested'. Who are these people who print out fake resumes, drive to random places of business and apply 'just for the fun of it'? I mean, I've done that too, but only to jobs that I'm wildly unqualified for (and, fyi, I actually got a response from CIBC so, I'd watch out for their employees...)

2.People who say "HEY...that's not funny...my ***** has/is ******." I don't care. If I did care, I wouldn't have made the joke in the first place. Deal with it.

1.People who use 'u' instead of 'you'. It is 2010. My 8 year old cousin uses full words when she types.

Ten Albums (and Ten Drinks) To Ease You Through A Breakup

You're in bed till three in the afternoon. Your room is cluttered with empty bottles and cigarette butts, and you don't even smoke. You haven't shaved in a week, even though your facial hair comes in patchy and odd looking. You wear sunglasses 24/7, indoors or out.

You've been dumped.

Ah the break up. No matter how old you get, no matter how many relationships you have, no matter how thick your skin is, everyone has to experience at least one devastating break up. It usually happens in your early twenties, you fall hard, maybe with someone you perceive to be out of you league. It's tumultuous from the start, with emotions at a boiling point almost immediately (a side effect of falling head over heels). And then suddenly, it's over. And you're dying inside. You'll never be the same again. You'll never love another person. Or maybe you'll just hang around in pyjama pants for a few days drinking wine. Well, if there's one thing I've learned from repeated heartbreak, it's nothing gets you through those black days and weeks better than music (booze comes in a close second).

So, as a public service to every heart broken guy or gal out there, here it is.

Ten Albums (and Ten Drinks) to Ease You Through A Break Up

They're in descending order from Most Heartbroken to Almost Recovered. So let's start it off with the worst.

10. Tom Waits - Small Change



Step right up dejected youngsters and let me teach you a little something about broken hearts. If anyone had ever attempted to distill the sound of a heart tearing in half, the result surely would have been Small Change.

A whiskey soaked masterpiece that reeks of cigarette smoke and cheap hooch, Tom recorded it in 1976, in the midst of his Jazz influenced, drunken beatnik persona. And he definitely lives up to it on this album. From Bad Liver and a Broken Heart to The Piano Has Been Drinking to the excellent advice on Invitation To The Blues, Tom keep's the tone of the album set strictly to devastation. But amazingly, it's the album's opening track that nails the entire thesis down in under seven minutes. Tom Traubert's Blues, largely based on an 1890 Australian folksong, takes it's tone from it's own subtitle, Nine Sheets To The Wind in Copenhagen. Though he claimed many different inspirations for this particular song (in a famous Australian bootleg he refers to it's subject matter as 'throwing up in a foreign country'), his producer on the album, Bones Howe, had this to say about the song's genesis:

"He said the most wonderful thing about writing that song. He went down and hung around on skid row in L.A. because he wanted to get stimulated for writing this material. He called me up and said, 'I went down to skid row ... I bought a pint of rye. In a brown paper bag.' I said, 'Oh really?'. 'Yeah - hunkered down, drank the pint of rye, went home, threw up, and wrote 'Tom Traubert's Blues... Every guy down there ... everyone I spoke to, a woman put him there."

Amen to that.

Coinciding Drink = Bottle of Glenlivit Single Malt Scotch, Glass, No ice, sitting on the Floor of your apartment, with a picture of him/her in your hand.

9. Joni Mitchell - Blue


Oh, poor Joni. Where to start on this tear stained masterpiece. A breakup album spanning at least three relationships, this album has the distinction of being so incestuous as to employ two of her former lovers as session players and one as producer. A heroin ravaged James Taylor plays occasional guitars, and a coke fueled Stephen Stills contributes his own six string accompaniment on songs that may have actually been inspired by the men themselves, all while a third lover, David Crosby, was overseeing the album from the booth. Jeez. Talk about masochistic.

I own most of these albums on vinyl, and that's where they hit you the hardest. The first side of this album is all promise and excitement, inspired by Joni's European sabbatical where she wrote much of the music of Blue. But on the last track of side one, the clouds start to roll in. "Everybody's saying that hell's the hippest way to go, Well I don't think so But I'm gonna take a look around it though".

Side B starts off with California, a fairly upbeat song that inspired Zeppelin to write their own ode to the Sunshine State, and then takes an abrupt turn towards affairs of the heart. This Flight Tonight tells us that maybe leaving isn't always the best way to escape, while River remains possibly the saddest Christmas Carol ever written. Although the album closes with The Last Time I Saw Richard, I always thought it's emotional centerpiece was A Case Of You, and the last refrain tells the whole sorry tale:

"You're in my blood like holy wine, you taste so bitter and yet so sweet, oh I could drink a case of you and I'd still be on my feet". Drink up, Joni.

Drink = A Case of J Lohr Seven Oaks Cabernet Sauvignon, Still on the Floor

8. Whiskeytown - Stranger's Almanac


What would heartbreak be without country rock? It'd be fucking boring, that's what. Ryan Adam's old band had their major label debut in 1997 with this album, and the wounds of love colour this as much as any of Adams' later solo work.

A bit more upbeat than the previous two entries, this album serves as the soundtrack to a very important part of the grieving process : loudly (and drunkenly) slandering your ex. This part requires the help of two or three close friends, a few bottles of strong hooch and a nice sound system to blast the music from while agreeing with everyone that "That bitch wasn't worth it, man" or "You know he wasn't good enough for you, he was a complete loser". It's ok, they don't really mean it (usually), but there's something about country music that makes everyone want to act like a relationship psychiatrist. Go with the catharsis, you know you'll just be texting them at 1am anyway.

Oh, and be forewarned. The songs may sound upbeat but by the second track on the album, you know exactly where you are:

"Well excuse me if I break my own heart tonight, some things aren't born too strong and have to learn how to fight, this situation keeps me drinking every goddamn day and night, this situation don't seem so right.".

Drink = Wild Turkey 101 and Coke, plenty of ice, and a pack of Marlboros, sitting at your Kitchen Table

7. Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago


Oh dear. You messed up, didn't you? You woke up in the morning (instead of the afternoon or evening), got out of bed, showered, shaved or did your hair, put on your sunglasses and went out into the world. It's been a few days or a week, and you just feel...ok. You feel like, alright, I can do this. It's not such a big deal. I feel fine. I'm going to get back to my life.

Then someone walks by you wearing her perfume or you see a guy that looks like him or you hear a song on the radio that used to remind you of how much you two were perfect for each other, and the facade collapses, and you're back in the fetal position on the couch, watching Seinfeld reruns and ignoring your roommates pleas to at least put some pants on. You need a breather.

Bon Iver is not really a band so much as one guy, Justin Vernon and, as the title indicates, this album was written at the end of a relationship. But under very interesting circumstances.

After breaking up with both a band and a girl, Vernon retreated to a rural cabin in Wisconsin for a few months, and recorded this whole album himself by overdubbing all the vocals and instruments. What resulted was an album that projects the very essence of mourning in the depths of winter. Vernon sings the entire album in a whispery falsetto that is at times both comforting and foreboding, and his lyricism is matched only by his ability to stretch thin production and low fi recording into an almost symphonic depth. When he screams "Now if all your love is wasted, then who the hell was I?", his pain is palpable, and when he whispers "All my love was down in the frozen ground", you can almost feel the cold.

Drink = Sailor Jerry Rum and Ginger Beer (a Dark and Stormy), in a chair by the window.

6.Bob Dylan - Blood on the Tracks


Where would we all be, musically, without good ol' Bobby Zimmerman?

Regarded as one of the classic breakup albums, Blood tells the story of Dylan's separation from then-wife Sara Lownds (a union that gave birth to singer songwriter Jakob Dylan of the Wallflowers). The songs were recorded twice, once fully in New York and again in Minneapolis, with tracks from both sessions included on the final album. From Tangled Up In Blue to Buckets of Rain, the songs on this album put forth stark and honest questions about love and loss, about innocence and betrayal, and about dealing with hating and loving someone at the same time. When Dylan sings "Suddenly I turned around and she was standing there...", you hear a kind of emotional honesty you don't usually get from a musician of his status and reputation. Just goes to show you what love can do to even the most stoical heart.

Drink = Cheap red Wine, on the Couch

5. Derek and the Dominos - Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs


This one is a tough one. This is the part where you're leaving drunken answering machine messages and texting a hundred times a day and updating your facebook status seven times a day with lyrics that remind you how sad you are (which is every song in the world). You all know the story (or you should), but for those not in the know, let me break it down.

Eric Clapton, guitar god, is friends with George Harrison, Beatle. George is married to Pattie Boyd, model. Clapton want Pattie. Patti rejects him. Clapton wants cocaine. Cocaine does not reject him, and neither does heroin. Pattie eventually leaves George for Clapton, and they get married, but the marriage doesn't last (these affairs never do), and from this awful experience, one of the greatest rock albums of all time was born (George and Eric remained friends).

Everyone knows the title track, with it's shredding guitar lick (curtesy of Duane Allman) and piano coda. But for me, it's the second track on the album, Bell Bottom Blues, that does it:

"Do you wanna see me crawl across the floor to you, do you wanna hear me beg you to take me back? I'll gladly do it."

A sprawling double album, perfect company for a long, dark night alone with your thoughts.

Drink = Whatever you want, Just stay away from the Junk

4.Jackson Browne - Late For The Sky


This is one of my personal favorites. You might know Jackson Browne best from a song recorded by another band. "Take It Easy", one of The Eagles many hits, was written by Browne, and many of the eagles play or sing on this album.

Though many of the songs on this album hold amazing melodies and lyrics, the standout track is, again, the first on the album and also the title track. Late For The Sky, dominated by David Lindley's mournful slide guitar and vocal harmonies from Don Henley and JD Souther, this masterpiece may be the best example I've heard to date of a broken man asking "why?" to nobody in particular. It also boasts my all time favorite lyric:

"How long have I been sleeping, how long have I been drifting alone through the night, how long have I been dreaming I could make it right if I closed my eyes and tried with all my might to be the one you need."

After this chorus is a musical break, a single snare shot bringing us back from the brink to a Lindley slide solo that sounds like a prayer.

Drink - Gin and Tonic with a splash of Bitters, at your Piano or, failing that, a good book

3. Beck - Sea Change


On the road to recovery, we have Beck's great breakup album. All desert wind and sunrises, change is the essence of this record. The opening lines, "Put your hands on the wheel, let the golden age begin" tell us that maybe, just maybe, everything's going to be alright. This is the perfect come-down record for when the sky doesn't seem quite as dark, the world maybe a little less mean, and the pain a little subdued. Put the needle to the groove and let the relaxed instrumentation take you away to a place in your mind that belongs to you, and you alone.

Drink = Coronas with a lime wedge on the Deck. Get outside.

2. Brendan Benson - My Old, Familiar Friend


"I fell in love with you, then out of love with you, then back in love with you all in the same day" Benson sings on the opening track of this album from the guy in the Racontours who isn't Jack White. There's something about this guy's voice and his arrangements that make it feel kind of timeless, like Buddy Holly or The Everley Brothers. This is the music that takes you out of your house and gets you back functioning as a normal person again, showering once a day, laughing it up, and keeping your cell phone firmly in the 'off' position after midnight. Every now and then you might think about them, but you feel like you've gotten through the worst of it, learned something, maybe even become a better person because of it. After all, he says "I fell in love with you", but he also says "I feel a whole lot better when you're not around".

Drink = Vodka and Tonic, at a bar

And the final stage.

1. Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning


You've come full circle, and it's all here on this album. Grief, regret, catharsis and triumph, as well as some of the most beautiful music recorded in the past decade. With guest harmonies by the always amazing Emmylou Harris, Conor Oberst managed to record an entire album of excellent songs about not only heartbreak, but about redemption and the changes that come along with love and loss.

Well there you go. It's over, or it's just beginning, depending on which way you look at things, and you've become the person you used to be again. You've lived through something that everyone must, at some point, conquer. And you're left with a lot of time passed but not wasted, and maybe even a few lessons learned. And you're still not quite sure what to make of this whole 'love' thing, but maybe next time, things will be different.

"So I go back and forth forever, All my thoughts they come in pairs, Oh I will, I won't, I doubt, I don't,I'm not surprised but I never feel quite prepared."

But I doubt it.

Drink = Whatever you buy that pretty girl at the other end of the bar.

And here we go again.

-M

So I'm Told (a poem).

I am not a man
i am a shell
i am a mask
I am a shadow of life,
that once was
but Is Not Now.

I am not a human
i am a species
i am a parasite
i am a viper
defanged and
removed of my venom
I've been told
It's For My Own Good.

I am not an artist,
artists don't shower
artists are happy
artists vote liberal
artists burn car dealerships
and praise animals
and I eat Steak twice a Day,

or at least Once a Week.

I am certainly alive
I have a pulse
I bleed when cut
I bruise when struck
I am alive,
at least
They Tell Me So.

I am definitly free
I have no chains
There are no bars on my windows
My locks have keys
and I can walk about
I Am Definitly Free

but I am a Prisoner
of money
media saturation
connectivity, availability,
communications
and greed

my cellphone stops working
for an hour out of the day

I Panic.

in my own Free World
I Am a Prisoner.

I pray to God every Day,
my cell phone
my computer
the internet
the bank
my wallet
the government
the television
the news

Some days I don't even
See the Sun, and yet
I convince Myself
I see the world.

I Am a Christian
in that I am guilty
by association,
share the blame
with all my brothers
and sisters,
the blood on my hands
as red as theirs

"I wasn't there"
does not generally work
in the arguement of
religion
Guilt by association,
and I've already been
to Communion

in this I Am a Christian,
though most times
I wish I wasn't.

I am a Pacifist,
I advocate gun control
and dislike violence
while I stand
behind my suburban prison walls
with my Samsung ankle moniter
clasped in my hand,
I watch a war
I must admit
I never understood
continue unabated
while earthquakes turn
to ratings
and numbers
and political currency.

I am a Pacified Audience.

I am a Man
as much a Man
as I can be,
I think,
I have no children,
I have no Job,
no future career
I have no joy in life,
but I have a Social security number,
and I pay Taxes,
therefore I am
a Man.

Or so They tell Me.

Gimme Some More

Marketing gurus take notice. There is a new fad sweeping the underbelly of the Illegal Online Downloading community faster than chlamydia during Frosh Week.

You're sitting there, watching a torrent download it's last few percents. It finishes. You open "Jay Z: The Blueprint 3" and import it into your itunes. You listen away. Time passes.

A few hours later you're going through itunes, doing some cleaning up, and you notice a song title and band name you've never heard of and have no recollection downloading, buying, uploading, frontloading, imploding or otherwise. You wrack your brain. Nothing.

Then you check your latest downloaded torrent. There it is, among the Kanye duets, "Gimme Some More- Barton Fink". And then at the bottom of the torrent, a text file.

"README-BARTON FINK".

Hm. Curiouser and curiouser.

Upon opening the text file, you read following. "New band. Check them out. Spread the word." Simple Cryptic. Enticing.

I see what's happening here, you say to yourself. Some over enthusiastic nerd has slipped a shitty, Garageband-Produced track from his buddies' bar band into this torrent for a much more popular and talented act. You actually start getting a little angry, your web world penetrated for the first legitimate time. All those viruses and spyware were one thing, that was malicious destruction common of all parasites. But this is just damned presumptuous. Someone has forced THEIR taste onto me, without any permission from my side. It's like asking someone to borrow a book, and them saying "Sure, but you should take this one too. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. It's your style." Complimentary from a friend, offensive from a stranger.

You stare at the track name on itunes. Your mouse moves over it. You laugh derisively and prepare yourself for a shitty AC/DC ripoff or, worse, an AC/DC cover band.

Play.

Oh shit.


It's really. Fucking. Good.

Ladies and gentlemens,

Canada's own.

Barton Fink

Barton Fink-Gimme Some More

Listen. Enjoy. Go to the website. Download the album.

Cheers.

-M.