or What Happens When I Start Watching "Batman And Robin", Drink A Bottle Of Wine, And Switch To Raging Bull Halfway Through.
----
Batman And Robin, 1997
Directed by Joel "Neon Penis" Schumacher
...and Oscar Nominee George Clooney as the Caped Crusader!
---
DIALOGUE NOTES:
ROBIN-"Shit, I didn't see that huge rocket ship."
BATMAN-"Now Freeze is going to get away. Good fucking job Robin."
ROBIN-"Well if you hadn't taken so long painting on your eye liner we might have gotten here on time."
BATMAN-"This is why I don't take you out to parties. I can't wait until you join the Teen Titans."
ROBIN-"I want to go live with Christian Bale."
---
INT. EVIL LABRATORY, NIGHT
A bolt of lightning splits the sky. UMA THURMAN as POISON IVY stands, surveying the wreckage of her career.
FADE OUT.
---
DIALOGUE NOTES:
ROBIN-"Batman, I'm coming with you."
BATMAN-"Sure, after you spend ten hours in the simulator, training."
ROBIN-"...I really wish you would stop using those euphemisms and tell me how you really feel."
BATMAN-"..."
---
PRODUCTION NOTES:
ME-"Joel, why does Mr.Freeze's suit run on diamonds?"
DIRECTOR-"Because Science, that's why."
---
INT. BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE CLOONEY as BRUCE WAYNE sits in bed, watching a VHS copy of The Return Of The Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes, rubbing his hairline mournfully.
FADE OUT
---
DIALOGUE NOTES:
BATMAN-"Have you seen Alfred, Robin?"
ROBIN-"Yeah, I think I saw him upstairs earlier, doubled over and coughing."
BATMAN-"What? Was he Ok?"
ROBIN-"What am I, the butler? Ask him."
BATMAN-"...I wish you'd died at the circus with your stupid family."
----
DIALOGUE NOTES:
ROBIN-"Bruce?"
BATMAN-"Yeah, Dick."
ROBIN-"Do you have any idea how any of these Bat-Computers work?"
BATMAN-"I can barely figure out why I'm in this movie."
---
EXT. ARKHAM ASYLUM, NIGHT
LIGHTNING cracks the sky (of course) as ARNOLD SCHWARZENNEGER as MR FREEZE and JESSE VENTURA as JAIL GUARD stand in the CELL.
SCHWARZENNEGER- Can you believe we've both been elected Governor?
The both LAUGH MANIACALLY.
FADE OUT
---
INT. GARAGE, NIGHT
ALICIA SILVERSTONE as ALICIA SILVERSTONE IN THIS MOVIE stands in front of CHRIS O'DONNEL as DICK GRAYSON.
ALICIA- My careers over, isn't it?
CHRIS- Don't worry. I'm not much further behind.
ALICIA begins to silently weep. CHRIS follows suit.
FADE OUT
---
EXT. GOTHAM STREETS, NIGHT
DICK and ALICIA race motorcycles for some reason.
FADE OUT.
----
INT. WAYNE MANOR, NIGHT
ALICIA and CHRIS stand around, acting badly. GEORGE CLOONEY walks by.
GEORGE- Don't mind me. I'm just passing through on the way to the rest of my fantastic career.
CHRIS begins to weep again. ALICIA takes another drink.
FADE OUT
---
INSERT ENTIRE SCENE FROM "RAGING BULL". NO ONE WILL NOTICE.
---
END.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Fox News: Partisan Hackery or Freedom Hating Terrorists? YOU DECIDE.
Greetings again from the bowels of hell, it is I, your friendly neighbourhood whiner.
Now, ladies and gents, I Was here to deliver some good news. Great news, in fact. I was going to tell you all about a great comedy series I just discovered while surfing cable television this afternoon. A show that rivals the Colbert Report in subversive humour and The Daily Show in satirical genius. A show that perfectly sends up the kind of jingoistic nationalism that America is trying desperately to overcome.
Then someone told me that Fox News is ,in fact, real, and now I'm extremely depressed.
I know what you're thinking. I'm a little late to get on the Fox News bashing bandwagon. You weren't thinking that? You were thinking it's odd that I'm obsessing over a regional American news channel and website? You were thinking that I'm nitpicking, deciding to insult the easiest possible target because I'm really not that funny? You were thinking that by perpetuating the stereotype of the conservative Republican American I'm hurting our national relationship with the United States?
Fuck you, this is my blog. Go back to France, freedom hater.
I digress.
So, being of sound mental fortitude and possessing educated opinions (what Foxnews would refer to as an 'elitist', I believe), I have been browsing their website and watching their news for the last while, being alternately amused and horrified by their tendency to be...well...batshit crazy. Who runs this place, Leni Riefenstahl?
But they're not Partisan! No no no, they're just a regular old news agency with the utmost respect for journalistic integrity. You just THINK they have a thinly veiled allegiance to the far Right because of linguistic nuances in their headlines, newscasts and reporting. Political propaganda is what I'd call it, but that might result in being called a Nazi, much like offering them Free Healthcare results in...well...
But they've got their language down. Instead of putting what they think in their headlines, they pose a question to subtly encourage you to think what they think. They say "YOU DECIDE: Obama Healthcare Gamble Makes You Angry?" instead of saying "Obama Healthcare Gamble Makes You Angry." Ok, maybe not so subtle.
Here's one of my favorites.
They have a story on their website right now about Obama's 9th Circuit nominee, Goodwin Liu. Mr.Liu is a Rhodes Scholar, a Supreme Court clerk, an honours graduate of both Stanford University and Yale Law school. He's authored several books and seems, to me at least, to be a perfect candidate.
But Foxnews does not agree. Foxnews has become angry!(Yes, I have endowed Foxnews with cognitive powers, limited though they may be, and a singular name and vision. Foxnews can be equated with Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey, or the computer Kevin Spacey voiced in that movie no one saw about the guy from the Green Mile who wasn't Michael Clarke Duncan).
Yes, Foxnews is angry, but he doesn't just come outright and say it. Other people say it, and Foxnews heavily quotes it.
The problem with Mr.Liu? It's simple. He's too fuckin' smart.
Seriously. I'm not even skewing this data. Foxnews is reporting that Liu's critics are worried about some remarks he's made about the nature of Constitutional Law. Namely, the fact that the constitution is two hundred fucking years old and maybe up to interpretation by, say, a Judge that DOESN'T own slaves.
"Liu believes that judges have the authority to impose their views ... using clever verbal camouflage to disguise what they're doing."
Basically, the specific problem is that Liu has written, several times, that Judges be allowed to, well, use their judgment. Radical ideas, no?
Of course, Foxnews is reporting this as if it is just another news story, and they quote his supporters as well as his detractors. But the tilt of the article's subjectivity is pretty well exemplified by this choice exerpt from a book Liu co-authored in 2009 called "Keeping Faith With The Constitution:
"Applications of constitutional text and principles must be open to adaptation and change ... as the conditions and norms of our society become ever more distant from those of the Founding generation."
You mean what this nutbar is trying to say is that a document written in the 18th Century might not be entirely applicable to modern life?
Heaven forbid.
-M
PS: read the article Here
Now, ladies and gents, I Was here to deliver some good news. Great news, in fact. I was going to tell you all about a great comedy series I just discovered while surfing cable television this afternoon. A show that rivals the Colbert Report in subversive humour and The Daily Show in satirical genius. A show that perfectly sends up the kind of jingoistic nationalism that America is trying desperately to overcome.
Then someone told me that Fox News is ,in fact, real, and now I'm extremely depressed.
I know what you're thinking. I'm a little late to get on the Fox News bashing bandwagon. You weren't thinking that? You were thinking it's odd that I'm obsessing over a regional American news channel and website? You were thinking that I'm nitpicking, deciding to insult the easiest possible target because I'm really not that funny? You were thinking that by perpetuating the stereotype of the conservative Republican American I'm hurting our national relationship with the United States?
Fuck you, this is my blog. Go back to France, freedom hater.
I digress.
So, being of sound mental fortitude and possessing educated opinions (what Foxnews would refer to as an 'elitist', I believe), I have been browsing their website and watching their news for the last while, being alternately amused and horrified by their tendency to be...well...batshit crazy. Who runs this place, Leni Riefenstahl?
But they're not Partisan! No no no, they're just a regular old news agency with the utmost respect for journalistic integrity. You just THINK they have a thinly veiled allegiance to the far Right because of linguistic nuances in their headlines, newscasts and reporting. Political propaganda is what I'd call it, but that might result in being called a Nazi, much like offering them Free Healthcare results in...well...
But they've got their language down. Instead of putting what they think in their headlines, they pose a question to subtly encourage you to think what they think. They say "YOU DECIDE: Obama Healthcare Gamble Makes You Angry?" instead of saying "Obama Healthcare Gamble Makes You Angry." Ok, maybe not so subtle.
Here's one of my favorites.
They have a story on their website right now about Obama's 9th Circuit nominee, Goodwin Liu. Mr.Liu is a Rhodes Scholar, a Supreme Court clerk, an honours graduate of both Stanford University and Yale Law school. He's authored several books and seems, to me at least, to be a perfect candidate.
But Foxnews does not agree. Foxnews has become angry!(Yes, I have endowed Foxnews with cognitive powers, limited though they may be, and a singular name and vision. Foxnews can be equated with Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey, or the computer Kevin Spacey voiced in that movie no one saw about the guy from the Green Mile who wasn't Michael Clarke Duncan).
Yes, Foxnews is angry, but he doesn't just come outright and say it. Other people say it, and Foxnews heavily quotes it.
The problem with Mr.Liu? It's simple. He's too fuckin' smart.
Seriously. I'm not even skewing this data. Foxnews is reporting that Liu's critics are worried about some remarks he's made about the nature of Constitutional Law. Namely, the fact that the constitution is two hundred fucking years old and maybe up to interpretation by, say, a Judge that DOESN'T own slaves.
"Liu believes that judges have the authority to impose their views ... using clever verbal camouflage to disguise what they're doing."
Basically, the specific problem is that Liu has written, several times, that Judges be allowed to, well, use their judgment. Radical ideas, no?
Of course, Foxnews is reporting this as if it is just another news story, and they quote his supporters as well as his detractors. But the tilt of the article's subjectivity is pretty well exemplified by this choice exerpt from a book Liu co-authored in 2009 called "Keeping Faith With The Constitution:
"Applications of constitutional text and principles must be open to adaptation and change ... as the conditions and norms of our society become ever more distant from those of the Founding generation."
You mean what this nutbar is trying to say is that a document written in the 18th Century might not be entirely applicable to modern life?
Heaven forbid.
-M
PS: read the article Here
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